It's OK :)

assalamu 3alikom,

yaaaah, I really can not believe that i wrote only one post in November, where have I been all this time??!!.. anyways :) here i am!

I donno what shall I say, mmmm, I'll just let it go :)...

Well, things nowadays are really different and strange, a lot of things happened to me last month.. i started work, started serious masters lectures and feeling like i'm starting a totally different life..

All this happened all of a sudden, now i pause and try to understand what happened to me!!

Why am i saying this! well, bcz i feel i have changed.. me is not the me i used to know, i cannot understand how i feel actually..

Last month i was staying alone, having the time to think, talk to Allaah, read Quraan and pray a lot "make Du3aa2" and see the good things in whatever happenes to me.. this is not happening any more :(

Now it's really different, woking and getting busy with new things makes u away even from ur self... many things now are really bothering me, i dont even feel that i have the time to feel bothered!!

To be honest, i really want to cry..

you may find it silly, but here is not the place to mention the things that are bothering me or making me feel bad, but i just need to cry..

i wish to cry :) .. and i pray to Allaaah that i pray "bad3y enny ad3y", feeling apart from Allaah is a bad feeling by the way...

I hope to feel better sooon :) i know i will isAllaaah.. 

nefsy a-solitude awiiiii.. when and where! i donno!!.. isAllaah i'll do it :)

mmmm, donno what to say, i believe that it's normal to feel like this as i'm having a new experience, working, being in a big company, doing a work that i have no experience about, having strict deadlines, working with ppl i donno, having TLs and managers.. all this is really new and makes anybody feel wierd.. it just takes a little time to adapt.. i need to take my time

It's a matter of time w shwayyet sabr :)

isAllaah 5eeer...

Allah in our hearts...

assalamu 3alikom..

It is a very great bless to feel that Allah's love sub7anahu wata3alaa is occupying a big space in your heart.. u love him jalla wa3alaa, see him all the time, think of him, miss him sub7anah, whenever u do anything u wonder: does this satisfy Allaah sub7anahu wata3alaa!, when u forget him u think: oh Allaah plz forgive me :( , and u seek his satisfaction if u are taking any decision and make it the main factor affecting it..

I always knew the following: Allaah is jealous, and doesnt like ur heart to be occupied with any other creature of his.. bcz Allaah sub7anahahu wata3ala has to be ur main concern in life, and u seek "wajh Allaah" and only Allaah in ur whole life..

I used to think of the heart as a big jewelry box containing a smaller jewelry box, containing a smaller box and so on till the smallest box.. and each box holds certain number of ppl besides the smaller box that holds less number of ppl and another smaller box, and so on.. The smaller the box is, the less and dearer the ppl who are inside.. till u reach the smallest box that has no other boxes and has one and only one place..

I used to believe that this smallest place has to be occupied with Allaah and only Allaah 3azza wa jall, cz this is the place for the dearest.. and Allaah has to be the dearest to us if we are good muslims.. and having someone else there, indicates that there is smthing wrong in the Imaan or the heart it self!! and this feeling may really hurt!

Now i'm thinking, no, this may not be accurate.. Allah's space in the heart can not be only the smallest box in it.. All the heart is for him sub7anahu wata3alaa, ALL of it.. and those ppl who occupy places in our hearts, when we love them, we love them for the sake of Allaah.. and there are no conflicts of having one person in the smallest box with having Allaah the dearest, bcz eventually u love this one person for the sake of Allaah, and Allaah sub7anahu wata3ala already has it all :)... so it only hurts when the smallest place is occupied but not for the sake of Allaah.. or if this occupation makes u forget Allaah sub7anahu wata3alaa, or converts to become a fear of loosing this person and not being satified with Allaah's choices whatever they are and not beleiveing that what Allaah chooses for us is always the best.. else there is no conflict as i believe..

it's just an opinion, it can be wrong :) .. but al7amdulillaaaah that anyways and always, Allaah is - indeeeeeed- the dearest and already has it all al7amdulillaaah :)

Love u Allaaah, love u the best :)
al7amdulillaah

نظرية المكواة

assalamu 3alikom...

nazareyyet el makwa is a theory made up by 3ammo Fawzy, my dad's dear friend, he said it to me last summer. This theory is based on a joke, so let me first tell you about it :)

Once there was a single man, who woke up in the morning and had to iron his shirt, he found that his iron isn't working, but he really needed to iron his shirt, so he decided to borrow the iron from the very old lady living 4 or 3 floors upstairs..

he wanted to use the elevator, but it wasn't working, so he had to take the stairs..

All the way up the stairs he was imagining the following: "I'll knock the door, she will open, ofcourse she will be irritated as knocking that early, i'll will ask her to lend me the iron, and she says: every time i lend u the iron u return it back with a defect. He replies: I do that!! i do nothing to your iron, as i take it i return it.. she says: no, i dont want to give you my iron!. He says: please i have to go to work now, i'm in a hurry, you will lose nothing.. She says: you had to take care of your iron, you are a careless person.. Then he really gets angery and they both start yelling!!".. He was imagining this conversation all the way up stairs till he reached her door and already rang the bell.. She opens, then he yells: 5alaaas, 5alaaaaaas, ANA MESH 3AYEZ MN WESHIK 7AGAA!!.. leaving the old lady in a shock not understanig why this crazy man acted like that!!

3ammo fozfoz told me: Noha, el makwaa de bteb2a fe dma3'ik enty bas, w maynfa3sh t3amly el nas 3ala asas-ha, wogood el makwaa fe dma3'ik mesh haylsa3 7add 3'eerik, w lw haylsa3 7add, haylsa3ik enty el awwel.. rayya7y dma3'ik w etfy el makwaa, dema3'ik mesh na2sa 7arr el gaww 7arr lwa7do, enty mesh hatdorry 3'eer nafsik.. w 3amly el naas as you are, without expecting ayy 7aga, you will be happy and ppl will love you.. even if they have any "makawyy" towards you, they will automatically be switched off!!.. what do you expect from two irons heated and facing each other but more and more heat and "aflaa" fel kahrabaa, w mashakel wala leeha ayy lazma wala wogood asasaaan 5alesss!!!.. matsheleesh el sellem bel3ard ya Noha!

//and isAllaah i'll talk about nazareyyet el sellem in the coming posts isAllaaah.

Well, he is right.. ppl need to think b4 reacting or even acting!, we all have different backgrounds, situations ,  emotions and experience that formats our attitude, paradigm and behaviour. People know nothing about it, even if they do, they have their own prespective and act based on it.. never assume that they will react after thinking an trying to understand All the circumistances that made u behave like that!! well, believe it or not, They Wont!, they are not you and they are not wearing the same shoes you are wearing, so excuse them and have patience..

Sometimes el makwaa btetla3 fag2a, and you just rush and act based on it, te3mel a ba2a fel 3'abaa2 lamma yo7kom wel makwaa lamma teshta3'aal wel kahraba lamma te3mel 2aflaa!!:D, 

And remember you may lose a family member, a friend, a dear person or anyone due a stupid makwaa!! and you really dont want this... dont hurt your self nor the dear people you have!

Yes, remembering this is somewhat difficult, but atleast try, admit you are mistaken and apologise, and they will probably forgive you and this will make a difference!

Salaaam

My Lovely Grandmaa :)

assalamu 3alikom,

about a week ago i went to visit my grandma who was returning to Kuwait after visiting Egypt. My grandma, or as i call her "Neena", is a veryyyy sweeeet person, the old people are really blessed and their words are full of wisdom.Neena was born in 1920, so you can imagine how wise she is!! :D

I told Neena:" Neena, pray for me, i'm looking for a job", she said:"rabbena ykremik w teb2y ra2eeset gomhooreyyaa" ... lol.. i told her: "la ya Neena ana mesh 3ayza ab2a ra2eeset gomhoreyya :D", she said: "w malo lamma teb2y ra2eeset gamhoreyyaa, a el mane3!!!" :D :D
Then she said: "ya 7elwa, el 5eer salaalem, w 2awwel sellma feeh isAllah hateb2a el sho3'l".. she meant that once i work rabbena hayfta7 3alayya isAllaaah :)

and she also said:"bokra el shams hatetla2 w bokra el zar3 haykbar w bokraa el 5eeer keteeer :)", those words deeply touched my heart :).. she told me that i always have to be optimistic, and that every body has good and bad phases in their life, and we always have to remember the good ones to keep our spirit :)
She said: "baraheem maat, ha3ood az3al wa2ool da baraheem mesh mawgood w aa3eesh 7azeena!!, mana etbasatt ma3aah el 7amdulillaaah, w l7add delwa2ty fakra enno kan bytbeset menny w fakra el ayyaam el gameela w mabsoota al7amdulillaah".. baraheem da is my grandfather, Ibrahim but she calls him baraheem :D, i never had the chance to see him cz he died -ra7matu Allaah 3aleeh- in the 70's.. i was shocked mn kalaam neeena, she till now remembers my grandfather and misses him as if they are newly married :)..

i also found a paper in her bag saying:"ana al7amdulillaah dayman 7assaah enn baraket baraheeem 7awalayyaa b-istemraar, rabbena yer7amuh w y7sen eleeeh".. i was speechless!

when ever we visit Neena, we ask her: "Neena enty mabsootaa??", she says: "tab3an al7amdulillaah, and sings : ahly w a7baby 7awalayya, far7ana bergoo3ak leyya, el yoom gleeby sa3eed, el yoom gleeby sa3eeed"
.. and we say: el yooom gleeby sa3eeed :D..

rabbena yddeeha el se77a ya raabb.. last time i visited her she said:"ana el naharda rabbena zaad fe 3omry 5 seneen 3ashan zortoony"..

Neena dreams of travelling to the moon and planting some tomatos and mint their she says ahamm 7aga enn el wa7ed y5ally feeh 7ayaah 7awaleeh, and she says that if there are alians in the moon, she wants to teach them how to plant those seeds :D.. and she talks seriously btw :)

Neena also wants to finish her study, cz she left school fel ibteda2yyaa, but she says that the problem that her eyes are not that well, and she forgets a lot! but she really wants it!!

i hope i am as half as Neena is in her Very +ve attitude in life, rabbena y5allehalna ya raaab :)

salaaam

A whole new life..

assalamu 3alikom,

I think that not much people think of daramtically changing their life and to have a whole new life, they fear having the risk, and they dont garuntee the outcomes, so they prefer staying as they are and keep what they think is good for them in hand, 3asfooron fel yadd ya3ny.

Taking such decisions is a very brave step and needs a lot of guts, and strong belief that el 5eer kolloh is b-yadi Allaah sub7anahu wata3ala :)
Starting a whole new life can be about only renewing your intentions, changing your attitude towards things, re-order your priorities and quiting somethings you were or loved or wanted.. i mean it doesnt have to be a daramatic change in your career or the city you live in, etc...

Taking such a decision is sometimes painful, very painful, it's hard for u to expect what might come, what will happen next, and wether these things will satisfy u or have a big value in our hearts or not, yet, we hope and tell Allaaah that we trust him, and we wait and see the good that will come isAllaah.

Patience is a big factor in this whole issue, w mogahdet el nafs, yes there is pain and a lot of fear that can reach horror, but Allaah wants to see how we will react, if we will "nory Allaah mn anfosina 5ayran" or not, and how we will stick to our intentions and keep on putting all our trust in Allaah sub7anahu wata3ala, and natawakkal 3aleeh w nasta3een beeh sub7anahu wata3ala :)

rabbena ysabbarna gamee3an 3ind al balaa2, w yhawwen 3aleenaaa, w yo2nesnaa beeeh.. w yg3alna mn el mottaqeeeen fel serr wal 3alaan

Allahumma ameen

The Nasty me!!

assalamu 3alikom,

First i want u to know that "me" in the title does not refer to me myself, but it is smthn that me, u and all of us may tell ourselves.
It is a great moment when you say: "Oh my God, How nasty i am!!". Am i saying "great"?!!, oh yes! :).. because it's when u see how small u are and how great Allah is, how merciful, generous, and kind.

Let me tell u a little story. Before this Ramdan, i decided to make Tawba, as most of you did, I wrote a Tawba list, listed the bad things i wanted to quit and decided -by Allah's well- not to do any of them again.
I was also blessed by spending Ramadan in UAE, so i took this as a chance to change and -also- wrote a list of intentions that i wanted to have in that visit, wanted Allaah to bless me with, and things i wanted Allaah to help me with.
Ofcourse through Ramdan and after the 5atma I used to read both of them espicially my Intentions list, as i wrote them in a form of du3aa3, i was asking Allaah for them. And my Tawba list, b4 Ramdan ended, I thought of writing a du3a2 next of each item to help myself quitting them by Allaah's help and du3aa2.

Yesterday, I remembered my lists, read them to evaluate, how far I achieved and really changed..
Here comes the nasty me..

I fisrt read my Tawba list, and saw that i "actually" quited only about 40% of the list..
Then i read my Intentions list, it was in a form of prayers as i mentioned b4, and found that, Allaah sub7anaahu wata3ala is really the greatest!, almost 70% of the listed items already came true!! and i can see now some more are on their way to come true!

I noticed that the things I quitted in my Tawba list, are the things that I listed a prayer next to them or already asked Allaah in my intentions list to help me through!
I remembered the verse : ثم تاب عليهم ليتوبوا إن الله هو التواب الرحيم
Al7amdulillaaah indeed, thanking is never enough!!
Allaah always gives us, and see how we are treating him! Nasty we are!

إنى والإنس والجن في نبأ عظيم، أخلُق ويُعبد غيري، أرزق ويشكر سواي، خيري إلى العباد نازل وشرهم إليّ صاعد، أتودد إليهم بالنعم وأنا الغني عنهم، ويتبغضون إليّ بالمعاصي وهم أفقر ما يكونون إليّ، أهل ذكري أهل مجالستي، من أراد أن يجالسني فليذكرني، أهل طاعتي أهل محبتي، أهل معصيتي لا أُقنِّطهم من رحمتي، إن تابوا إليّ فأنا حبيبهم، وإن أبوا فأنا طبيبهم، أبتليهم بالمصائب لأطهرهم من المعايب، من أتاني منهم تائباً تلقيته من بعيد، ومن أعرض عني ناديته من قريب، أقول له: أين تذهب ألك رب سواي؟ الحسنة عندي بعشرة أمثالها وأزيد، والسيئة عندي بمثلها وأعفو، وعزتي وجلالي لو استغفروني منها لغفرتها لهم

For Allaah's sake!, i really donno how am I ever going to thank Allaah for this Karam!! I donno how am I gonna meet him in the day of judgement with this nasty me!! el wa7ed maksooooof mn nafsoo awiiiiiii :(

May Allaah forgive all of us, Allahumma i3'fir taqseerana... Fe3lan: وما قدروا الله حق قدره !!!

w rabbena yg3alko mn el tayyebeeen :)

Salaaam

To Remember Me..

The day will come when my body will lie upon a white sheet neatly tucked under four cornors of a mattress located in a hospital busily occupied with the living and dying.

At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.
When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And dont call this my deathbed. Let it be called the Bed of Life, and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.
Give my sight to the man who has never seen the sun rise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman. Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain.
Give my blood to the teenager who was pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play.
Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week.
Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body and find a way to make a crippled child walk.

Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that, someday, a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her window.
Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.

If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses and all prejudice against my fellow man.

If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.

-by Robert N. Test