I'm Longing :)

Dear,

I'm so happy to know that you are coming soon :), i was really waiting for the day you come and very glad that it is getting closer :)

I still remember the days when you were here, how great those days were, i was always wondering if they will come back, if I'll ever get the chance to meet with you again, if i will live till the next visit, I always keep praying to, I always as Allaah to bless me by you, because i really love it when you are around..
It was really hard for me when you left, the hardest part that I never know if i will meet you gain or not.. you are so dear that i want you always to be here, but Al7amdulillaah for every thing... I always hope you come back :)

Last time you were here was one of my best days, I remember the prayers I said, the diaries I wrote, the feelings I had.. I remember how strongly you touched my heart and how you -every time- change me deeply from the inside.

You always help me reconsider, you always remind me how great I can be, and how great I am, you always remind me of Allaah, of the love i have for him in my heart, I always learn a lot from you.. you are bless, indeed.

You always give me hope, you fill my heart with love, you change my perspective towards things.. You always make me closer to Allaah, you teach how to love Qur'an, read it and feel it. My days are always bright when you are here :)

I Love you, and i miss being my self when you are around.. everything becomes very different, really different :)

I know I always keep promising that when you come I'll do this and I'll do that, I'll stop this and stop that and try to be a good girl, yet every time I don’t fulfill my promises, and I feel bad about it.. I'm really sorry for that.. Hopefully this time I become the good girl i was always promising to be!

I love the things you bring for me.. Well, to be honest, I wait for them as much as i wait for you.. you always bring what I wish.. I find it easier to ask for things when you are here, because I’m sure that Allaah will give me, for your sake :)

Most of all, I love the 3 gifts you always bring every time you come: Mercy, Forgiveness and Salvation from Hell.. I really pray i get them this time :)

Dear Ramadan, I wish i live till you come :) and I wish you find me as you deserve to find me :)
I'll be waiting..

Allahumma balle3'na Ramadaan

When you lose someone close to your heart...

Assalamu 3alikom,

It's a hard feeling, and you don't to actually know how you are supposed to feel.

You miss them, sad that they are not there when you most need them to be, you may want to feel angry that they left, you feel helpless that you can't talk to them, you can't pick the phone to say that you miss them, you just can't... you can't go to the places that you used to go to meet with them; bcz simply, they wont show up! you may go alone, and start remembering the feelings that you had when they where there next to you, the conversations that you had, the smiles on your faces, you remember and remember, you wait for them to show up, then you look around to realize that they are not there, they are only in your own memory.. then you raise your head, stare at the sky with eyes full of tears.

You are then sure that they are dead, because you are sure that if they were alive they wont disappear just like that without even a goodbye, they wont let go of you, they know they would be hurting you if they did, and you know they will never ever do it purposely, and this is the moment when you are 100% sure that they will never come back... they are now part of the past, they "were", they are dead!

Then you want to make it easy on your self, you remind your self that they didn't leave by their own will, they did not walk away, they didn't abandon you, they'd just disappeared from your life all of a sudden, but this kills you!

Then you find that they had left that good memory inside you.. you are not able to hate them, even if it had happened one day that they caused you harm or even hurted your feelings, you can't help forgetting all the bad memories and remembering the good ones, you can't blame them for they had gone, you die to know why they'd left but you can never ask..And there, deep inside your heart, you can't stop loving them, and you miss them so much, you miss them deeply and sometimes you just keep thinking and thinking about them to the extent that puts you in a very bad need to just hear their voice.

Then you tell your self that it was not their will to leave, it's Allah's will, .. and then you remember to thank Allaah for what he chose, cz you know that whatever Allaah chooses, it is the good thing, but you still have that pain in the heart...

Then you decide not to thank Allaah sadly, you want to be satisfied, you decide to smile, you decide to thank Allaah for putting those people in your life, for letting you have such peaceful and sweet memories, thank him because he tought you through them a lot, thank him because you love him and love them, thank him because you never know this is good for you, thank him because you trust that he is doing you a favour, thank him because whenever you feel that pain in the heart, and whenever you strongly miss them, you only say one word: "Yaaa rabb"

Then you are happy with the memories you'd shared with them and want to keep remembering them forever, you want to remember their face perfectly, you want not to forget them, you want to remember every word, every move and every action. You are afraid, truly afraid, that you may forget them oneday!

When those people left, you were told that they died, so you keep reminding your self with this fact all the time, you keep telling your self: "They died, they died, they died, they died...."

Then you start telling yourself that this is not the end, and will never be! you start having that hope that you will meet them isAllaah in heaven, hoping that they are happy and deeply wish them to be with Allaaah, in the maqaam of Al sali7een Al mottaqeen, and having all kind of blesses that they kept telling you before leave that they were dreaming of, you wish them what they wished for themselves, you smile when you imagine them smiling there in the heaven, and sitting with their beloved, sayyedna Muhammad salla Allaahu 3alihi wasallaam and seeing the face Allaah sub7anahu wata3alaa with the ultimate satisfaction that they could ever dream of!

Then you have nothing to do for them except praying, because you want the image that you are having now for them to come true. You ask Allaaah to take care for them, love them and have mercy on them and wish them to be in the companionship of sayyedna Muhammad -salla Allahu 3alihi wasallam-.

And you pause, thinking, do they remember me?! do they pray for me?! do they miss me as much as i do?!, do they want me to be with them?!.. and because you don't have answers for all those questions, you start praying that they do, and you start and having a great hope that you see them and be there with them in the heaven isAllaaah...

Forgive Me When I Whine

Assalamu 3alikom


The story i'm about to tell now may seem silly, actually very silly :D, but that day i was so happy and sajadtt shokr cz i deeply felt that Allaah is with me :)

Last wednesday, at work, early morning, my TL told me online: "Noha, Amr is on a vacation today, please come and sit in his place".

Amr is a collegue of mine and his partition is next to my TL's, she wanted us to sit next to her to "facilitate the communication" as she said. That is because i'm sitting really far from her, our floor is like a rectangle -like any floor on earth :D- i sit in the right side and she is on the left one, so it really takes time to go to her.

However, i dislike sitting there, i dont feel comfortable at all at that side, so i decided to tell her that i wont go :D (this shows how i've really changed :D, when I first started work, i was VERY obedient (A))

We argued online, then i went to her, and she kept insisting that i sit there and i kept insisting that i dont want to!

Normally, in such situations, I HAVE to do what she says, but my problem was (in addition to that i dont feel comfortable there) that another team member was sitting away, and there is only one place available "temporarily", so even if i move, another team member will still be sitting away, so we are not actually solving the "communication problem".
I told her both reasons!! But she kept insisting and i kept refusing for some time!!!

I forgot to tell you that she didnt ask the other team member cz she is afraid of her and both dislike each other (ma2edritsh 3ala 7omaar 2edret 3ala el barda3a!! and this also irritated me very much)

The conversation ended that she will talk to our manager to solve the issue. Yes, that was a threat! but i would say the same thing to the manager if she asked me to move.

I was strict and calm while talking to her, but once i left her i went to the other team member who sits away and started crying, i really hated how she insisted and that she didn't respect how i feel about moving and wanted to force me to move!

In less than 30 mins, one of the company emplyees who is responsible of the place and partitions and stuff like that, came to us and said: "We have changes in places because we will need to do some fixes in other floors, so we want to re-allocate you all, all the teasting team will sit in one side, to leave the other side for the support team who will come form the 5th floor!"..

No need to tell you that the side that the testing team will move to, was the one i'm sitting in :D, so now, I will not move and the TL is the one who will move to come to my side "the testing side" according to managerial commands!!

I Felt like WOW :D (I feel WOW alot, i know :D) bgd sub7ana Allaaaaaaaaaah, it's not only that i wont move my place, it's that All the testing team should stay at that part of the floor, and she will come!! WOW...

My mate told me: "wa yamkoroona wa yamkuru Allaah" :D!! enty feeki shee2 lillaaah, enty el wa7ed y5aaf yday2ik :D
And i made sajdet shokr and my mate was luaghing out load of what had happened :D
I didnt feel happy, cz i felt that if i was happy i will be like (bashmaat feehaa) but bgd, i deeply felt gratitude, that Allaah was there next to me, in this very trivial issue, that is not critical by any how.

Al7amdulillaah bgd :).. i learnt from this situation to trust Allaah more, I felt Ma3eyyat Allaah, i felt that Allaah 3aazza wajall is telling me: See, i manage your life very well. See how i managed your place and made a whole floor need some fixes just not to let you move forced from your place, imagine what can be what i'm doing now for you manage your life!!

Adrakt 3azamet rabbena aktaar at that moment, and felt smaaaaall, veryy smaaall.. bsara7aa keda, esta7eeet mn rabbena, esta7eet that I sometimes complain, sometimes i feel bad about things that happen to me (knowing that what happens to you is how Allaaah manages your life!), i felt like I wanted to apologize to Allaah and say i'm sorry,

Oh Allaah, oh Allaah, forgive me when i whine :)

فأدِمْ ربي عكوفي

قد كفاني عِلمُ ربي ~ من سؤالي واختياري
فــــدعائي وابتهالي ~ شاهدٌ لي بافتقاري
فلهذا الســــر أدعو ~ في يساري وعساري
أنا عبدٌ صـــار فخري ~ ضمنَ فقري واضطراري
قـد كفاني علمُ ربي ~ من سؤالي واختياري

يا إلهي ومليكي ~ أنت تعلم كـــيف حالي
وبما قد حـــــل قلبي ~ من همومٍ واشتغالِ
فــتداركني بلطفٍ ~ منك يا مولى الموالي
ياكريمَ الوجه غثني ~ قبل أن يفنى اصطباري
قـد كفاني علم ربي ~ من سؤالي واختياري

يا سريعَ الغوث غوثـًا ~ منك يدركني سريعا
يهزم العســرَ ويأتي ~ بالذي أرجو جميعا
يا قريبًا يا مجيبًا ~ يا عليمًا يا سميعا
قد تحققتُ بعجزي ~ وخضوعي وانكســـاري
قد كفاني علم ربي ~ من سؤالي واختياري

لم أزل بالباب واقف ~ فارحمَنْ ربي وقوفي
وبوادي الفـــضل عاكف ~ فأدِمْ ربي عكوفي
ولحســــن الظن ألازم ~ فهو خلـّي وحليفي
وأنيســــــي وجليسي ~ طول ليلي ونهاري
قد كـفاني علم ربي ~ من سؤالي واختياري

حاجةً في النفس يا رب ~ فاقضها يا خير قاضي
وأرح ســـــري وقلبي ~ من لظاها والشواظ
في ســـــــرورٍ وحُبورٍ ~ وإذا ما كنتَ راضي
فالهـَنا والبســـطُ حالي ~ وشعاري ودثاري
قد كفاني علم ربي ~ من ســـؤالي واختياري

Swine Flu

Assalamu 3alikom,

Tab3an el maktoob embayyan mn 3enwanoo (3ala ra2y el Lebnaneyyeen), but i don't want to talk about the issue from the aspects that every body does nowadays, i have another point that i want to share :)

I have a very strong feeling, intiuition, "yaqeen" fillaah shadeed, and a big "trust" in Allaah that the virus wont reach Egypt nor the Gulf area. I'm almost sure about it, and i "know" that isAllaah, we wont have it in Egypt isAllaah.

Usually, i don't have reasons for my intuitions, so I can't tell you why, but here is something i believe: if a "Muslim" dies because of the "Swine" flu, this will be a very "himulating" way to die (as a firend of mine said), ya3ny we don't eat them in order to obey Allah, will he make us catch their flu!!! I believe that Allaah is greater to let us die that why...

Anyway, what i'm saying has nothing to do with reality, we just may wake up next morning hearing that an Egyptian person cought swine flu, it may happen, but i just don't feel it :)

Anyway bardo :), i think we are taking our precautions, and most importantly praying to Allaah to protect us from the disease, and that is enough for now as i think :)

Overloaded?!

Assalamu 3alikom,

It happens a lot that we complain that we are "overloaded", we say it when we have a lot to do in a very short time, that we are not able to manage where to start, what to do, how to get things done and meet all the deadlines, do things quickly and well, etc...

Overloaded?.. Isn't it the state when we you have some thing huge to handle -only one thing- and you are not able to manage? You see it too big for you, or you are too small for it, a responsibility that you are too young to carry, alone and need a shoulder to lean on. When you feel like: "it is too heavy, i can't.. I can't, it's heavy.. I just can't".

You are not wise enough to think, aware enough to decide, strong enough to face it, big enough to take it.. But, ooopss, it's already there on your shoulders, it may break you, or you can decide to take it, it hurts, but you "have to", simply because Allaah choose you to handle it, and only Allaah knows that you are the right person for it.

So, you ask Allaah for the wisdom, strength, patience, and most importantly, you ask Allaah for help, because you don't want to break!

Allaah can carry it for you, just wait and see, in the mean while, do something about it!.