The Nasty me!!

assalamu 3alikom,

First i want u to know that "me" in the title does not refer to me myself, but it is smthn that me, u and all of us may tell ourselves.
It is a great moment when you say: "Oh my God, How nasty i am!!". Am i saying "great"?!!, oh yes! :).. because it's when u see how small u are and how great Allah is, how merciful, generous, and kind.

Let me tell u a little story. Before this Ramdan, i decided to make Tawba, as most of you did, I wrote a Tawba list, listed the bad things i wanted to quit and decided -by Allah's well- not to do any of them again.
I was also blessed by spending Ramadan in UAE, so i took this as a chance to change and -also- wrote a list of intentions that i wanted to have in that visit, wanted Allaah to bless me with, and things i wanted Allaah to help me with.
Ofcourse through Ramdan and after the 5atma I used to read both of them espicially my Intentions list, as i wrote them in a form of du3aa3, i was asking Allaah for them. And my Tawba list, b4 Ramdan ended, I thought of writing a du3a2 next of each item to help myself quitting them by Allaah's help and du3aa2.

Yesterday, I remembered my lists, read them to evaluate, how far I achieved and really changed..
Here comes the nasty me..

I fisrt read my Tawba list, and saw that i "actually" quited only about 40% of the list..
Then i read my Intentions list, it was in a form of prayers as i mentioned b4, and found that, Allaah sub7anaahu wata3ala is really the greatest!, almost 70% of the listed items already came true!! and i can see now some more are on their way to come true!

I noticed that the things I quitted in my Tawba list, are the things that I listed a prayer next to them or already asked Allaah in my intentions list to help me through!
I remembered the verse : ثم تاب عليهم ليتوبوا إن الله هو التواب الرحيم
Al7amdulillaaah indeed, thanking is never enough!!
Allaah always gives us, and see how we are treating him! Nasty we are!

إنى والإنس والجن في نبأ عظيم، أخلُق ويُعبد غيري، أرزق ويشكر سواي، خيري إلى العباد نازل وشرهم إليّ صاعد، أتودد إليهم بالنعم وأنا الغني عنهم، ويتبغضون إليّ بالمعاصي وهم أفقر ما يكونون إليّ، أهل ذكري أهل مجالستي، من أراد أن يجالسني فليذكرني، أهل طاعتي أهل محبتي، أهل معصيتي لا أُقنِّطهم من رحمتي، إن تابوا إليّ فأنا حبيبهم، وإن أبوا فأنا طبيبهم، أبتليهم بالمصائب لأطهرهم من المعايب، من أتاني منهم تائباً تلقيته من بعيد، ومن أعرض عني ناديته من قريب، أقول له: أين تذهب ألك رب سواي؟ الحسنة عندي بعشرة أمثالها وأزيد، والسيئة عندي بمثلها وأعفو، وعزتي وجلالي لو استغفروني منها لغفرتها لهم

For Allaah's sake!, i really donno how am I ever going to thank Allaah for this Karam!! I donno how am I gonna meet him in the day of judgement with this nasty me!! el wa7ed maksooooof mn nafsoo awiiiiiii :(

May Allaah forgive all of us, Allahumma i3'fir taqseerana... Fe3lan: وما قدروا الله حق قدره !!!

w rabbena yg3alko mn el tayyebeeen :)

Salaaam