It's OK :)

assalamu 3alikom,

yaaaah, I really can not believe that i wrote only one post in November, where have I been all this time??!!.. anyways :) here i am!

I donno what shall I say, mmmm, I'll just let it go :)...

Well, things nowadays are really different and strange, a lot of things happened to me last month.. i started work, started serious masters lectures and feeling like i'm starting a totally different life..

All this happened all of a sudden, now i pause and try to understand what happened to me!!

Why am i saying this! well, bcz i feel i have changed.. me is not the me i used to know, i cannot understand how i feel actually..

Last month i was staying alone, having the time to think, talk to Allaah, read Quraan and pray a lot "make Du3aa2" and see the good things in whatever happenes to me.. this is not happening any more :(

Now it's really different, woking and getting busy with new things makes u away even from ur self... many things now are really bothering me, i dont even feel that i have the time to feel bothered!!

To be honest, i really want to cry..

you may find it silly, but here is not the place to mention the things that are bothering me or making me feel bad, but i just need to cry..

i wish to cry :) .. and i pray to Allaaah that i pray "bad3y enny ad3y", feeling apart from Allaah is a bad feeling by the way...

I hope to feel better sooon :) i know i will isAllaaah.. 

nefsy a-solitude awiiiii.. when and where! i donno!!.. isAllaah i'll do it :)

mmmm, donno what to say, i believe that it's normal to feel like this as i'm having a new experience, working, being in a big company, doing a work that i have no experience about, having strict deadlines, working with ppl i donno, having TLs and managers.. all this is really new and makes anybody feel wierd.. it just takes a little time to adapt.. i need to take my time

It's a matter of time w shwayyet sabr :)

isAllaah 5eeer...

Allah in our hearts...

assalamu 3alikom..

It is a very great bless to feel that Allah's love sub7anahu wata3alaa is occupying a big space in your heart.. u love him jalla wa3alaa, see him all the time, think of him, miss him sub7anah, whenever u do anything u wonder: does this satisfy Allaah sub7anahu wata3alaa!, when u forget him u think: oh Allaah plz forgive me :( , and u seek his satisfaction if u are taking any decision and make it the main factor affecting it..

I always knew the following: Allaah is jealous, and doesnt like ur heart to be occupied with any other creature of his.. bcz Allaah sub7anahahu wata3ala has to be ur main concern in life, and u seek "wajh Allaah" and only Allaah in ur whole life..

I used to think of the heart as a big jewelry box containing a smaller jewelry box, containing a smaller box and so on till the smallest box.. and each box holds certain number of ppl besides the smaller box that holds less number of ppl and another smaller box, and so on.. The smaller the box is, the less and dearer the ppl who are inside.. till u reach the smallest box that has no other boxes and has one and only one place..

I used to believe that this smallest place has to be occupied with Allaah and only Allaah 3azza wa jall, cz this is the place for the dearest.. and Allaah has to be the dearest to us if we are good muslims.. and having someone else there, indicates that there is smthing wrong in the Imaan or the heart it self!! and this feeling may really hurt!

Now i'm thinking, no, this may not be accurate.. Allah's space in the heart can not be only the smallest box in it.. All the heart is for him sub7anahu wata3alaa, ALL of it.. and those ppl who occupy places in our hearts, when we love them, we love them for the sake of Allaah.. and there are no conflicts of having one person in the smallest box with having Allaah the dearest, bcz eventually u love this one person for the sake of Allaah, and Allaah sub7anahu wata3ala already has it all :)... so it only hurts when the smallest place is occupied but not for the sake of Allaah.. or if this occupation makes u forget Allaah sub7anahu wata3alaa, or converts to become a fear of loosing this person and not being satified with Allaah's choices whatever they are and not beleiveing that what Allaah chooses for us is always the best.. else there is no conflict as i believe..

it's just an opinion, it can be wrong :) .. but al7amdulillaaaah that anyways and always, Allaah is - indeeeeeed- the dearest and already has it all al7amdulillaaah :)

Love u Allaaah, love u the best :)
al7amdulillaah